Tuesday, February 12, 2013


1. If one has sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

2. Can you cry under water?

3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

4. Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

5. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

6. What disease did cured ham actually have?

7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

8. Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...

11. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

12. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

13. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 

14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

15. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why?

17. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

18. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? 

19. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

20. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

21. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

22. Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

23. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

24. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

25. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

26. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

27. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

28. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

29. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


30. The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends –– if they're okay, then you must be crazy.


  1. Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

    We are only willing to pay for half of what we hear. The other half is ignored, and therefore uncompensated.

  2. My personal favorite:

    11. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

    Me maw used to call it her "brass ear."

    Probably warped my character to have heard that.



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