_______ Definitions of a Liberal _______
1. Someone who ardently tells his children Santa Claus does not exist, but would bitch like hell if he did, because the jolly old elf might leave sooty footprints on the carpet.
2. Someone who would indignantly characterize A Visit from St. Nicholas as a Home Invasion, and call the police to have Santa taken away in handcuffs.
3. Someone who would deprive his children of sugar plums at Christmas, because sweets promote tooth decay.
4. Someone who would deeply resent the prancing and pawing of each little hoof on his rooftop for fear it might damage the shingles and cause a leak. He would then become even more irate, because his lawyer would tell him there was no one in particular he could sue.
|Baragrinch Alas! came to town|
5. Someone outraged at the very idea that his long winter's nap might be disturbed by a sleigh full of toys born by eight tiny reindeer might descend on his roof with a clatter at any time after dark on Christmas Eve. Such a person would be apt to call a special meeting of the town council to demand legislation be written vigorously banning the Annual Visit for disturbing the peace.
6.Someone who scowls at each Christmas card he receives, because he A) wants to believe Christmas is a foolish myth dreamt up to extort money from gullible fools, and B) resents the notion that such gestures generally require a similar response of equally fake good will.
7. Someone who seeks to ban private displays of Christmas lights in his community, because they A) waste energy and thus harm the environment, and B) they are acutely insensitive to minorities, and represent an implicit threat and an affront to the dignity of atheists, agnostics, and members of non-Christian religions.
8. Someone who routinely stages lectures in every forum imaginable telling Christians that their customary modes of celebrating the Birth of Christ are deeply rooted in pagan –– even savage and barbaric –– prehistoric cultures.
And...someone who demands a ban on Christmas-season fires on the hearth because the emissions therefrom cause global warming.ReplyDelete
LOL to Number 4!ReplyDelete
You've gotta see this precious photo, which has gone viral:
Sleeping baby finds the perfect pillow! Moment a youngster who was so tired from queuing to see Santa Claus simply curled up on his tummy and snoozed when he finally came face to face.
Happened in Indiana a day or two ago.
They'd better watch out. Any minute now some shrill Social Activist will denounce this charming scene as"A Blatant, Totally Outrageous Display of Pedophilia Run Amok in a Public Venue," and demand that all parties involved be arrested and subjected to a rigorous psychiatric examination.Delete
They will then claim that poor child-victim should be removed from his parents' custody and placed in State-Supervised Foster Care immediately. The "Santa" should be tried, convicted and then imprisoned for Lewd and Lascivious Conduct with a Minor, and placed in Solitary Confinement for a minimum of thirty years.
That really IS how leftists think.
Definition of a ConservativeReplyDelete
Further proof –– as if it were needed –– that leftists have no sense of humor –– especially about their dour, self-righteous, militantly inane little selves.Delete
It would be funny if it was Definition of One Percent, maybe. But Liberal here is inane.Delete
Jersey lives in a blind spot.Delete
I do side with him on one minor personal quibble.
I have stopped calling such people liberal, because they are in fact the very antithesis of the word. Progressive, with all it freighted meaning from the era of dictators and heavy statism, fits them so much better.
I've been using the cumbersome compound Marxian-Fabian-Communist-Socialist-Collectivist-Leftist-Unionist-Progressive-Liberal-Democrat-Statist for years. It's certainly accurate, but it's both tedious and graceless.Delete
That's why I keep coining new terms to describe the phenomenon with greater accuracy.
TYRANNISM - TYRANNIST
DISMALISM - DISMALIST
We might add KILLJOYISM - KILLJOYIST, but they lack euphony.
I just don't know any liberals, or progressives, or asFT would call them "Marxian-Fabian-Communist-Socialist-Collectivist-Leftist-Unionist-Progressive-Liberal-Democrat-Statist(s)" who are anything like what's described in this post.Delete
"Butcha are, Blanche! Butcha are!"Delete
... Baby Jane Hudson
Well, FT, you had me in stitches. I realized immediately your comic intent, and your use of hyperbole to make points about the those on the left always choosing to take the most dismal interpretation of everything most of us enjoy, and use it as a weapon to attack the culture we've known and loved all our lives was down right masterful. Keep up the good work. You have a large dose of much needed class in this toxic milieu. Have a joyful Season!ReplyDelete
---------------------------> Katharine Heartburn
Whereas if father Christmas showed up at your house, you'd shoot him in the face before the second "ho".ReplyDelete
Not on Christmas Eve!Delete
Definitions of a ConservativeReplyDelete
A person who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
A statesman fond of existing evils.
A person with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk forward.
A liberal that has either been mugged or paid taxes.