Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Bong Franklin

Fail, Columbia

Fail, Columbia, crappy land
Fail, ye zeroes, hellbound band
Who fought to kill the Founder's Cause
To hear the Devil's loud applause, 
And when the storm of words was done
Enjoyed the wreck your efforts won.

Tom Paine gone raving mod 

Let fierce dependence
Be your boast
Ever mindful what you've lost
Ever scornful you have won the prize:
Independence vanquished lies.

George Washedupton

Disunited let us be
Lauding our slavery,
As a band of gangsters joined
Endless conflict we shall find.

~ Frank Hoaxingson

I should've stayed in France. The food's better there.

With deepest gratitude to Kurt Silver Fiddle 
who gave Mr. Hoaxignson the title, 
and inspired the parody.

And Now Francis Hopkinson's Original


  1. We are living in a depressing time. World wide!

  2. Depressing yes.

    Isn't the Good News that the Rapture is but a heartbeat away?

  3. Pearl Klutscher said

    Sorry, but I'm not depressed at all. I find the wry humor in this takeoff on Hail Columbia very amusing. Satire is good for the soul. Where in the world did you find those incredible illustrations, FreeThinke? They add just the right touch. A psychedelic Ben Franklin. Ye gods! What kind of mind would dream something like that up?

  4. Bravo!

    You never should have left the empire, my boy.

  5. Lord Hurlturd may one presume you are Lord Hurlturd, Esquire?

    Big question... will the Empire Strike Back?

  6. That empire, Alas! has been dead for a long time.

    Ours appears to be moribund.

    The abysmal lack of wit, subtlety, grace, precision, courage and dynamism in political discourse for the past 35-50 years gives every indication of a dying society.

    "... Out out, brief candle.

    "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
    Who struts and frets his hour upon the stage
    And then is heard not more.

    "It is a tale told by an idiot,
    Full of sound and fury
    Signifying nothing."

  7. Good heavens, FT! Couldn't you find a better rendition of Hail Columbia than that? It's excruciating. Poor fellow sounds as though he could burst a blood vessel any second.

    Now I know what my mother meant when she said, "If you don't stop that this instant, Katharine, you'll get Hail Columbia! from your grandmother, AND your father when he comes home."

    I didn't know what they were talking about, but I had sense enough to understand it was not going to be any fun whatever it was, so I stopped.

    ----------> Katharine Heartburn

  8. I looked at every version available on YouTube, Katharine, believe me. there weren't many. I was surprised, because this served unofficially as our National Anthem until 1930, I think it was, when the Star Spangled Banner, which had been around for a LONG time was accorded that honor.

    At any rate, this was the ONLY version that gave us the words, which are very important to know if you are ever to appreciate "Mr. Hoxingson's" parody fully.

    My advice: Grin and bear it. ;-)

  9. I always thought we should have adopted this as our national anthem:

    Cause for Chrissake you need to have a sense of humor and pretty much everybody knows the words ;)

  10. YANKEE DOODLE! Why not?

    The only trouble is that no one even knows what " hasty puddin' " is anymore let alone EAT the stuff. ;-)

    I have to admit I'm relieved, Finntann. For a tense moment there I thought you were going to recommend "Born in America" or "American Pie."

    Thank you for sparing us that.

    PS: I enjoyed the Fife and Drum Corps. Very cool.

  11. For a tense moment there I thought you were going to recommend "Born in America" or "American Pie."

    Come now, I'm not that crass, why I even know what Hasty Puddin' is, and it's not that corn mush they serve in the south ;)

  12. PS: I enjoyed the Fife and Drum Corps. Very cool.

    Silverfiddle has placed limits on my use of bagpipes ;0



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