Saturday, November 30, 2013


The DAY after the DAY after the DAY before

WHY I QUIT COOKING HOLIDAY DINNERS

Try to remember what your guests 
can or can't eat this Holiday Season

www.partyriccardi.com

Lyrics by Sandy Riccardi

Performed by Sandy and Richard Riccardi


(intro) 

I made turkey and stuffing and hot mashed potatoes
Yams and a ham and some fried green tomatoes
But I had forgot
What my friends could have or have not:

(verse)
Charlie could not eat cheddar
Cuz it clashes with his meds
Lee's on a low carb diet
Couldn't sample any breads

(verse)
Anya could not eat onions
cuz they filled her up with gas
Elsie could not have eggnog
cuz it knocked her on her ass

(bridge)
I made Martha Stewart's tart
Sweet and high-falutin'
that 6 people couldn't eat
cuz it contained gluten

(verse)
Sherman could not have shellfish
or he would asphyxiate
There wasn't one damn item
that could stay on Linda's plate

(2nd intro) 

My souffle was a masterpiece, so light and airy
But my guests couldn't eat it cuz no one ate dairy
I broke down and wept:
If you're vegan, then why'd you accept?

(verse)
Penny got on her podium
on and on and on she went
about the evils of sodium (plus how!)
She's lactose intolerant

(verse)
Peter was prone to bloating
Couldn't eat the broccoli
Annie gets acid reflux
Every time she looks at me

(bridge):
When I put the turkey down
Sarah had to say
"Ever since the world began,
I can't eat no tryptophan"

(verse)
Everyone at the table
Getting up in years, you see
Skipped the meal all together
Talked about their surgeries

(Tag)
So I said pass the Beano and pour me some vino 
and screw it, 
next year at Your House Please!

2 comments:

  1. It's when satire begins to sting that we really need to begin to re-assess...

    ...post-modern permissiveness, and our "enabling" of it.

    ReplyDelete

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