Sunday, November 2, 2014


The Duckster 
and the 
Octopus

The sun was shining on the sea,
With all his fearful might:
He did his very best to shed
His light on every fight ––
But this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was in eclipse,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
Intrusive as a gun.
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To spoil the Black Knight’s fun!"

The sea waves stirred expectantly,
The sands were damply dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
Clouds blotted out the sky:
The birds were circling silently  ––
In hopes prey might draw nigh.

The Duckster and the Octopus
Were walking hand in hand;
They sneered with great contempt to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If only this were cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If proletarians with brooms
Worked at it for a year.
Do you suppose,"
the Duckster sniped,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it,"
sneered the Octopus,
Oozing an unctuous tear.

"O, Blogsters, come and walk with us!"
The Duckster did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the stony beach:
Too bad the Shore Whore can’t be here
To give a hand to each!"



The eldest Blogster looked at him,
But nary a word he said:
The eldest Blogster blinked his eye,
And shook his hoary head ––
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave his website bed.

But slavering naifs hurried up
One a Registered Nurse
His yellow uniform unstarched
Made his bald head look worse.
He wasn’t wanted there
Because he’d nothing in his purse,
But nothing could deter him ––
Nary insult, slight, or curse. 

Four Useful Idiots followed,
And many a bride and groom;
And thick and fast they came at last,
Like some weird Sea Simoom ––
Tripping, stumbling through the waves,
Lurching towards their Doom.

The Duckster and the Octopus
Walked on a mile or so,
Then smugly rested on a rock
Conveniently placed low:
And all the little Blogsters came
And lined up in a row.

"The time has come," the Duckster said,
"To talk of LEVELINGS:
Of Kapital –– and Women’s Rights ––
Class Warfare –– Deposed Kings ––
And Evil Global Warming ––
And Clipping Wisdom’s Wings."

"But wait a bit," the Blogsters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
Because our heads are fat!"
"No hurry!"
spat the Octopus.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Duckster leered,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Catsup and horseradish too
Are very good indeed ––
Now if you're ready, Blogsters dear,
WE can begin to feed."

"But not on US!" the Blogsters cried,
Suddenly turning blue.
"After such devotion, that would be
A dreadful thing to do!"
"The night is fine,"
the Duckster smirked.
"Don’t you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you look so very nice!"
The Octopus, quite rudely spat
"Cut us another slice.
I wish you, Duckster, weren’t so deaf ––
I've had to ask you TWICE!"

"It seems a shame," the Duckster sneered,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've lured them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"

The Octopus said nothing, but
"The butter's spread too thick!"



"I weep for you," the Duckster cawed:
"I deeply sympathize."
With snot-laced tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his opened pocket-knife
Before his streaming eyes.

"O, Blogsters," quipped the Octopus,
"You’ve had a jolly a run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”

But answer came there none ––
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one!


  

~ FT (with a wee bit of help from Charles Dodgson)

38 comments:

  1. FT,
    This is brilliant! BRILLIANT!

    Now, let's see if those lampooned have "nuance" -- and a sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a vio­ lent shake at the end of every line: -- --
    "Speak roughly to your little boy,
    And beat him when he sneezes;
    He only does it to annoy,
    Because he knows it teases.

    "CHORUS
    (in which the cook and the baby joined): -- -- "Wow! wow! wow!"

    While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words: -- --

    "I speak severely to my boy,
    I beat him when he sneezes;
    For he can thoroughly enjoy
    The pepper when he pleases!"

    CHORUS"Wow! wow! wow!"


    -Charles Dodgson

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  3. Poor Ducky would have us believe you're talking about seafood, FT. Ever the one to do what he can to misdirect others, isn't he? All the more sinful and unworthy, because he knows exactly what he's doing.

    Thank you for a most enjoyable start to this bitter cold November day. And thank you too for not discussing the election, Ebola or any of the Creepy Clowns now holding Washington in thrall.

    I do want to put in a word of gratitude for the belated, oddly timed release of Andrew Tahmooressi. Let's hope he can recover quickly from his ordeal, and start life afresh with optimism and vigor. Heaven knows he's already suffered more than enough grief for a lifetime.


    ------------> Katharine Heartburn

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  4. Katharine,
    It's amazing to me that "the conservative side" of the blogosphere and the news media in general are not screaming with delight over Tahmooressi's release. Does the midterm election frenzy trump everything? Sheesh.

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  5. Good morning, AOW!

    First, let me thank you for your kind words. I have to admit I get the biggest kick out of fashioning the various original and semi-original items I present -- and lots more I usually keep to myself. ;-)

    Acrimony, endless denunciation and dreams of vengeance are dreary, ugly "vexations to the spirit," and doubtless harmful to the soul as well.

    Satire, if lightly drawn, may possibly be the healthiest form of revenge. At least I like to think so. The imp in me enjoys it hugely. };-)>

    As for Sgt. Tahmooressi, I feel a bit conscience stricken for not having "stopped the presses" to take proper note of the event (Thank you, Miss Heartburn, for helping us so eloquently with that), but LISA did a good job presenting the great good news yesterday at Who's Your Daddy? Never mind the Usual Suspects' immediate attempt to make a toxic hash of what should been an outburst of unqualified, unbridled JOY.

    I'm sure you'd agree, AOW, that far too many have become addicted to expressions of Rage, Spite, Malice and Alarmist Rhetoric they may have FORGOTTEN HOW to FEEL and EXPRESS Mirth, Joy and Gladness.

    I think it's VERY important to do whatever we can, as individuals, to COMBAT and DEFEAT this dismal trend and REPLACE it with a policy of DETERMINED OPTIMISM and renewed APPRECIATION for the GOOD and BEAUTIFUL THINGS in LIFE of which there are a great many.

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  6. The Oliphant Man said

    Yeah right. Good and beautiful things my ass. Your picture of the shore whore tells us who you really are, you hypocrite. Nobody does nasty better than you. blowhard. You're not fooling nobody.

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  7. You've outdone yourself, FreeThinke.

    Thank you for the morning chuckle.

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  8. Once upon a time, way back in Nov. 4, 2008, when the Obama regime first gained power, although this was a sorry episode in America’s history a baby Octopus went out on his first lying and propaganda expedition. He wasn't very experienced, so not knowing the ways of the ocean so he went on to land and straight to the toughest creature of all -- a powerful blogger known to the blogisphere as Free Thinke, as well as another Female lesser know blogger, who was a pain in the Octo’s Comrades behind. And was sent out by his fellow Comrade to remove the female blogger from the blogisphere once and for all. . For a short wile the blogger was outmatched by the eight-legged invertebrate, but luck was on the side of Truth , Honesty, and Good Old American Values, no it was not Captain America, it was the Conservative Bloggers. As luck would have it, the Octopus wasn't paying attention to what “he” considered the small fish, and with his Shark like teeth, and his eight legs the Octopus managed a lethal bite to the Bloggers jugular. The inexperienced Octopus had managed it’s first kill, and had thought that he had gained a new power, the power to dictate.

    However this “power” was very short lived, he Octopus was enraged by the humiliation by the “small” fish, and swore a oath of vengeance against the “small fish”and any of his known associates. The following hunting season, the Octopus unearthed the power of it’s Comrade also know as the Broomstick of Terror, a mystical artifact of unimaginable power. Armed with their weapons, lies, false facts, and propaganda the Octopus, and the Broomstick of Terror became unstoppable, and their vengeance knew no bounds.
    I am continually amazed by the arrogance of liberals and how “little” they think of the Conservatives, or the T-Baggers as they call them. They had nothing but contempt for any person that did not believe as they did, or who wouldn’t drink the Koolaide.
    And then came The Duck, harboring his own resentment towards his previous encounters with the Blogger who like his fellow Comrade in Libertarian’s clothing , broke into the bloggers made several outrageous liberal comments, that had them thrown out of the bloggers kingdom forever. Even more outrageous than Hillary Clinton’s cover- up story. But the Blogger with his weapon know as “The Truth’ turned the tables on both the Octopus, and the Duck , who didn't even know the weapon know as The Truth still existed. It didn’t take to long before both the Duck, and the Octopus was swept OUT and humiliated. The Duck would use the Broomstick of Terror a few more times in the following weeks on other victims before it shattered; nowadays only shards of it remain.

    The Octopus spent the next few days, weeks avoiding contact with the King, and but never stopped plotting their revenge. And then finally used a new choking technique on the King but behold the King’s power prevailed. . Bolstered by that success, he next turned to do it to the Duck, and the Irrational Libertarian and worked as well. The Duck was less than a minute away from blacking out when he caught a lucky break -- the Octopus caught a second breath and the tables were turned the Duck, and the Irrational Libertarian survived unscathed. But they still remember not to wander out of their own kingdoms.

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  9. Ya don't say!

    Hairy your quite the spinner of tall tails, ain't ya?

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    Replies
    1. And a good one may I add.

      Delete
  10. I'm still laughing. I have to keep coming back to it, since I was not familiar with the original poem.

    Every time you invoke the Octo-mom I get a good chuckle. I peed in his little tide pool a few years back, and then one of his urchin friends, it was a rockfish, I think, crawled out of their fetid hole and fired off a vinegar barbed e-stinkbomb, which this cowboy got such a kick out of, that I reprinted the foul missive in a blog post entitled...

    You've Got Hate Mail!

    Poor Octo still howls in outraged indignation at my "plagiarism" and "breach of trust" or whatever, even though I have never revealed the name of the vulgar creature who hurled that turd over my fence unsolicited.

    Four years later, and Octo still shakes his little fist in red-faced rage and stamps his little suction-cupped feet as he bawls at the infamy of it all.

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  11. My Rusty Old Rolls RoyceNovember 2, 2014 at 2:13 PM

    I'd pay up to $2.00 to see his act in person, I havnt seen as good a comedy act in years.

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  12. Octo-MOM? §;-D=

    Now that IS funny, SF. I never thought of it, and I SHOULD have. Shame on me! (:-s

    People who take themselves much too seriously are their own worst enemies. When the size of their halitosis-filled ballon of Self-Importance far exceeds the size of the ego it is touting, the urge to prick it and make it go BLAM!!! becomes irresistible.

    The lack of a sense of humor about oneself and one's pet causes, etc. is the stuff of tragedy.

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  13. Abdul Admair Mohammad the SeventeenthNovember 2, 2014 at 2:48 PM

    Ego you say? This "blogger" invented the word.

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  14. Mr. FreeThinke,

    "toxic hash" indeed. Dogmatic leftists like the Toxic Squid-pussy and the Marxist Merganser serve it up daily and their presence is eternally beclouded by a toxic miasma of foul-smelling negativity and bitter bile.

    There is nothing liberal about either of those execrable creatures.

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  15. Lord Rakim Obadakohlz said

    SilverFiddle, you certainly had his character pegged right all along, haven't you? A classic Case for the Couch if ever there was one.

    Of course, what reputable psychiatrist would want him as a patient? He's the type who doubtless would try to sue the shrink for malpractice, if said shrink failed to flatter his oh-so-delicate ego in just the right patient-prescribed manner.

    The all-too-rarely-used word "rebarbative" must have coined to characterize this character's perpetually repugnant personality. "Waspish" works well too.

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  16. This post was a very good read, as were the comments. A comprehensive and great analysis of the liberal/ progressive mindset!

    Thanks FT, your right on target... (Again).

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  17. Our Progressive friends believe that whenever you are you are backed into a corner, you respond by playing the "race card", the "gay rights card", the "reproductive rights card", the "economic equality card", the "equality of results" card, the "big business card", the "guns kill people card", and all of the other cards in your deck.

    And when everything else fails, just keep repeating that that the events of September 11th were an "inside job", created by President Bush, to avenge the attempted assassination of his father during his father's Presidency.
    That should convince any 8 year old.

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  18. Is this what they call an allegory?

    - Dora Spenlow

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  19. Cockroach:

    Don't forget one of their more laughable gambits,

    Shouting "SCIENCE!" at anyone who disagrees with them.

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  20. "SETTLED Science," I think they love to call it, because that cuts off and shuts down debate, and enables them in THEIR minds to call us "ignorant," backward," "cretins," "rednecks," "uninformed bigots," "Yahoos," -- you name it.

    I strongly suspect that deep down in their tormented, aggressively disputatious, hyper-defensive souls, they are anything-but sure of themselves, but too proud --and too scared -- to admit it.

    "They" are a dismal lot. HOWEVER, we seem to have forgotten that the best way we could hope counter their aggressive campaign of lies, half-truths, malicious distortions and ceaseless, largely unfounded accusations would be to AFFIRM and UPHOLD what "we" know to be right, good, salubrious, and productive.

    The mutual display of naked hostility, anger and endless derision is a terrible waste of time and energy. It ain't gettin' nobody NOWHERE.

    So let's ry to have a little fun instead. Thats what today was supposed to be all about. Having a bit of fun poking fun at those who irritate us, but it's done tongue-in-cheek and hopefully in an entertaining fashion.

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  21. Come on dems, progressives and libs, lets hear you address these blacks in Chicago who are coming out against the FAILED liberal policies.

    Lets hear it. Can you fools admit that you base is shrinking because of Obama's incompetence, or do you just put your hands over your eyes and say the dem/lib/progressive mantra over and over as instructed by your handlers?

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  22. Amusing post. Many chuckles it did bring.

    The hall of shattered mirrors are laughing.

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  23. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  24. TIRESOME NAGS, ROARING BORES, and NATTERING NABOBS of NEGATIVISM will be ERADICATED.

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  25. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  26. SMUT BE YOUR NAME DUCKY!

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  27. Ducky's here :.

    Freethinke, his material is ready for your stand up routine at Lisa's Smut Hut”

    Ducky, that was quite profound, you may think that you got it all figured out, but that’s a load of bullshit.
    Free Thinke, I have delayed commenting here this week because I needed to gather my thoughts and suppress my anger. I managed the first but have been unable to suppress my rage at this Progressive pinhead Ducky, and the rest of these imbeciles who you so wisely have thrown off your wonderful blog. .
    The subject is NOT closed.
    Apologists for people, like Octopussy and the RN, “Registered Nurse” who refuse to get an education and think that they know it all, when they are nothing more than UNINFORMED PUNY LIBERAL (PROGRESSIVE) JERKS makes me sick.
    And yet the Vice president of these United States called Republican’s and Conservatives “terrorists and hateful” ... And now, the progressives prove who they are, noting less than hateful and true terrorists.
    Liberals are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are Liberals, without a doubt.
    Thank you!

    And PS, Lisa’s blog IS NOT a Smut Hut Regardless what YOU and your bunch think or say!

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  28. TMIM,

    Thanks for your support and appreciation, but I really do hink it's time we stopped being angry, and began to realize how comical the leftists are when viewed with a modicum of perspective.

    Harmful? Yes, but so ludicrous and pathetic, when seen in the Light of Logic, we could almost feel sorry for them. They've running scared, and thus gettng noisier and more overtly obnoxious and contemptible ever since the Conservative-Libertarian Movement began in earnest -- when was it? -- thirty years ago.

    Surely you've noticed that ALL they can do is cast aspersions, call names, tell lies, make false accusations, issue threats to take legal action free speech, distort facts to serve their agenda, and constantly BITCH like HELL?

    All that my be exceedingly irritating, buts it betrays IMPOTENCE.

    They CANNOT WIN on the EVIDENCE, so they must lie, cheat, steal, and sometimes kill to get their way.

    They may not realize it, but they serve SATAN. If WE strengthen our faith in GOD (Life, Truth, Love, Intelligence, Principle, Spirit, Soul) we cannot possibly lose.

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  29. So ducky don't like this blog post? Awwww... Poor baby.

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  30. Dear republicans, How proud you must be feeling today about your childish, asinine, disgusting, blogs and comments these days. I'd tell you how I really feel about them, but I'm still a Lady, and i won't lower myself to your standards.!

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  31. Thank you, dear anonymous "lady" for amply illustrating most of the points I've been trying to make in just a few ill chosen words.

    All by yourself, you make a great case in point.

    If I knew your address, I'd send you a sympathy card, for it must be absolute hell being you, you poor thing.

    Instead, I'll pray for your soul, and hope others may join me.

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  32. Thank you for that TMIM
    FT I got that same comment from Lady Anon.
    I guess she's the kind of lady who supports promiscuous college women who demand free birth control

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  33. This post was brilliant .And very well deserved.
    You are quite the storyteller

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  34. Thanks, Lisa. The piece is only a parody of The Walrus and the Carpenter found in the pages of Alice in Wonderland, but I saw it as a good opportunity to make points about certain pestiferous characters with whom we've been besieged of late, and ALSO as a fable about nature and inherent dangers in being too trusting of those who seem to offer friendship but only want to take advantage of your naiveté.

    ReplyDelete

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