New York's Mayor, Bill de Blasio, age 53, 6'5"

Who is Bill de Blasio?

He’s really Warren Wilhelm, Jr. for starters

New York's Mayor Bill de Blasio and family, 2013

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bill de Blasio (born Warren Wilhelm, Jr.,[1] May 8, 1961) is an American politician currently serving as the 109th mayor of New York City. From 2010 to 2013, he held the citywide office of New York City Public Advocate, serving as an ombudsman between the electorate and the city government. He formerly served as a New York City Council member, representing the 39th District in Brooklyn (Borough Park, Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Gowanus, Kensington, Park Slope, and Windsor Terrace). The Democratic Party nominee for mayor of New York City in the 2013 election, de Blasio defeated Republican Joe Lhota, with more than 73% of the vote. He is the first Democratic mayor of the city since 1993.[2]

He ran for mayor promising to end stop and frisk and heal bitter relations between police and New Yorkers of color. His tenure has seen a spike in anti-police protests and disaffection with law enforcement, and he has been charged by the NYPD union with putting the interests of protesters above those of the police. He initiated new de-escalation training for officers,[3] more lax marijuana prosecution,[4] and oversaw the beginning of body cameras worn by police.[5][6]

Early Life and Education

De Blasio was born Warren Wilhelm, Jr. in Manhattan, the son of Maria (née de Blasio) and Warren Wilhelm.[1] His father was of German ancestry, and his maternal grandparents, Giovanni and Anna, were Italian immigrants[7][8] from the city of Sant'Agata de' Goti in the province of Benevento.[9]

De Blasio was raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts.[10] His mother graduated from Smith College in 1938, and his father graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Yale University. His mother was 44 years old when he was born, and he has two older brothers, Steven and Donald.[11] De Blasio's grandfather, Donald Wilhelm, an author, graduated from Harvard University.[11] Although he was baptized Catholic, de Blasio is nonpracticing. He speaks Italian.[11]

De Blasio has stated that his father first left home when he was seven years old and, shortly after, his parents divorced.[12] In a 2012 interview, de Blasio described his upbringing: "[My dad] was an officer in the Pacific in the army, [and fought] in an extraordinary number of very, very difficult, horrible battles, including Okinawa.... And I think honestly, as we now know about veterans who return, [he] was going through physically and mentally a lot.... He was an alcoholic, and my mother and father broke up very early on in the time I came along, and I was brought up by my mother's family—that's the bottom line—the de Blasio family."[13] In September 2013, de Blasio revealed that his father had committed suicide in 1979 while suffering from incurable lung cancer.[14]

In 1983, he changed his name to Warren de Blasio-Wilhelm, which he described in April 2012: "I started by putting the name into my diploma, and then I hyphenated it legally when I finished NYU, and then, more and more, I realized that was the right identity." By the time he appeared on the public stage in 1990, he was using the name Bill de Blasio as he explained he had been called "Bill" or "Billy" in his personal life.[13] He did not legally change over to this new name until 2002, when the discrepancy was noted during an election.[15]

De Blasio received a B.A. from New York University, majoring in metropolitan studies, a program in urban studies, and a Master of International Affairs from Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs.[16] He is a 1981 Harry S. Truman Scholar.[17]

Bill de Blasio, or was it still Warren Wilhelm? in 1983

Early Career

De Blasio's first post-college job was part of the Urban Fellows Program for the New York City Department of Juvenile Justice in 1984.[18][19] In 1987, shortly after completing graduate school at Columbia University, he was hired to work as a political organizer by the Quixote Center in Maryland. In 1988, de Blasio traveled with the Quixote Center to Nicaragua for 10 days to help distribute food and medicine during the Nicaraguan Revolution. De Blasio was an ardent supporter of the ruling Sandinista government, which was at that time opposed by the Reagan administration.[19]

After returning from Nicaragua, de Blasio moved to New York City where he worked for a nonprofit organization focused on improving health care in Central America.[19] De Blasio continued to support the Sandinistas in his spare time, joining a group called the Nicaragua Solidarity Network of Greater New York, which held meetings and fundraisers for the Sandinista political party.[19] De Blasio's introduction to city politics came during David Dinkins' 1989 mayoral campaign, for which he was a volunteer coordinator.[20] Following the campaign, de Blasio served as an aide in City Hall.[21]

U.S. Representative Charlie Rangel tapped de Blasio to be his campaign manager for his successful 1994 re-election bid.[22] In 1997, he was appointed to serve as the Regional Director for the United States Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) for New York and New Jersey under the administration of President Bill Clinton. As the tri-state region's highest-ranking HUD official, de Blasio led a small executive staff and took part in outreach to residents of substandard housing.[23][24] In 1999, he was elected a member of Community School Board 15.[25] He was tapped to serve as campaign manager for Hillary Rodham Clinton's successful United States Senate bid in 2000.[25]

New York City Council (2001–2009)[edit]

Elections

In 2001, de Blasio decided to run for the New York City Council's 39th district, which includes the Brooklyn neighborhoods of Borough Park, Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Gowanus, Kensington, Park Slope, and Windsor Terrace. He won the crowded primary election with 32% of the vote.[26] In the general election, he defeated Republican Robert A. Bell by 71%–17%.[27] In 2003, he won re-election to a second term with 72% of the vote.[28] In 2005, he won re-election to a third term with 83% of the vote.[29]

Tenure

On the City Council, de Blasio passed legislation to prevent landlord discrimination against tenants who hold federal housing subsidy vouchers and helped pass the HIV/AIDS Housing Services Law, improving housing services for low income New Yorkers living with HIV/AIDS.[30][31] As head of the City Council's General Welfare Committee, de Blasio helped pass the Gender-Based Discrimination Protection Law to protect transgender New Yorkers and passed the Domestic Partnership Recognition Law to ensure that same-sex couples in a legal partnership could enjoy the same legal benefits as heterosexual couples in New York City.[32] During his tenure, the General Welfare Committee also passed the Benefits Translation for Immigrants Law, which helped non-English speakers access free language assistance services when accessing government programs.[33]

Committee Assignments

Education;[34]

Environmental Protection;[35]

Finance;[36]

General Welfare (Chair)[37]

Technology in Government.[38]

New York City Public Advocate (2010–2013)[edit]

Election

Main article: New York City Public Advocate election, 2009

De Blasio speaking after being inaugurated as New York City Public Advocate

In November 2008, he announced his candidacy for Public Advocate, entering a crowded field of candidates vying for the Democratic nomination, which included former Public Advocate Mark J. Green. The New York Times endorsed de Blasio in an editorial published during the primary, praising his efforts to improve public schools and "[help] many less-fortunate New Yorkers with food stamps, housing, and children's health" as a councilmember. The editorial went on to declare de Blasio the best candidate for the job "because he has shown that he can work well with Mayor Bloomberg when it makes sense to do so while vehemently and eloquently opposing him when justified".[39] His candidacy was endorsed by then Public Advocate Betsy Gotbaum, former Mayor Ed Koch, former Governor Mario Cuomo, and Reverend Al Sharpton.[40]

On September 15, 2009, de Blasio came in first in the Democratic primary, garnering 33% of the vote.[41] He won the run-off primary election on September 29, 2009 defeating Mark Green 62%–38%.[42] On November 3, 2009, he defeated Republican Alex Zablocki 78%–18%.[43][44]

De Blasio was inaugurated as New York City's third Public Advocate on January 1, 2010. In his inauguration speech, he challenged the administration of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, specifically criticizing Mayor Bloomberg's homelessness and education policies.[45]

Educational Policies

As Public Advocate, de Blasio repeatedly criticized Mayor Bloomberg's education policies. He called for Cathie Black, Mayor Bloomberg's nominee for New York City Schools Chancellor, to take part in public forums and criticized her for not sending her own children to public schools.[46][47] In March 2010, he spoke against an MTA proposal to eliminate free MetroCards for students, arguing the measure would take a significant toll on school attendance.[48] Three months later, he voiced opposition to the mayor's proposed budget containing more than $34 million in cuts to childcare services.[49] 

In June 2011, de Blasio outlined a plan to improve the process of school co-location, by which multiple schools are housed in one building. His study found community input was often ignored by the mayor's Department of Education, resulting in top-down decisions made without sufficient regard for negative impact. He outlined eight solutions to improve the process and incorporate community opinion into the decision-making process.[50] The same month, he also criticized a proposal by the Bloomberg administration to lay off more than 4,600 teachers to balance the city's budget, organizing parents and communities against the proposed cuts and staging a last-minute call-a-thon. Bloomberg restored the funding, agreeing to find savings elsewhere in the budget.[51]

During his mayoral campaign, de Blasio outlined a plan to raise taxes on residents earning over $500,000 a year to pay for universal pre-kindergarten programs and to expand after-school programs at middle schools.[52][53] He also plans to invest $150 million annually into the City University of New York to lower tuition and improve degree programs.[53]

In September 2013, de Blasio voiced his opposition to charter schools, maintaining that their funding saps resources from classes like art and physical education and after-school programs. He outlined a plan to discontinue the policy of offering rent-free space to the city's 183 charter schools and to place a moratorium on the co-location of charters schools in public school buildings. "I won't favor charters," says de Blasio. "Our central focus is traditional public schools."[54] In October 2013, nearly 20,000 demonstrators marched across the Brooklyn Bridge to protest de Blasio's proposal to charge rent to charter schools.[55]

Housing

In June 2010, de Blasio opposed a New York City Housing Authority decision to cut the number of Section 8 vouchers issued to low-income New Yorkers. The cut was announced after the NYCHA discovered it could not pay for approximately 2,600 vouchers that had already been issued. The Housing Authority reversed its decision a month later.[56] Two months later, he launched an online "NYC's Worst Landlords Watchlist" to track landlords who failed to repair dangerous living conditions. The list drew widespread media coverage and highlighted hundreds of landlords across the city. "We want these landlords to feel like they're being watched," de Blasio told the Daily News. "We need to shine a light on these folks to shame them into action."[57]

Campaign Finance

De Blasio has been a vocal opponent of Citizens United, the January 2010 U.S. Supreme Court decision which overturned portions of the 2002 McCain-Feingold Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act. He argued that "corporations should not be allowed to buy elections", and launched a national campaign by elected officials to reverse the effects of the court decision.[58]

Mayor of New York City (2014–present)[edit]

2013 Mayoral Election

Main article: New York City mayoral election, 2013

On January 27, 2013, de Blasio announced his candidacy for Mayor of New York City in the fall election.[59][60]

The Democratic primary race included nine candidates, among them Council Speaker Christine Quinn, former U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner, and former New York City Comptroller and 2009 mayoral nominee Bill Thompson.[61][62] After Weiner joined the race in April, early polls showed de Blasio in fourth or fifth place.[63]

Despite this poor starting position, de Blasio was able to gain the endorsements of major Democratic clubs such as the Barack Obama Democratic Club of Upper Manhattan as well as New York City's largest trade union, SEIU Local 1199. Celebrities such as Alec Baldwin and Sarah Jessica Parker and prominent politicians such as former Vermont Governor Howard Dean and U.S. Congresswoman Yvette Clarke also gave endorsements.[64][65][66] By August, Harry Belafonte and Susan Sarandon had endorsed de Blasio.[67]

De Blasio gained media attention during the campaign when he and a dozen others, including city councillor Stephen Levin, were arrested while protesting the closing of Long Island College Hospital.[68] Fellow Democratic mayoral hopefuls Anthony Weiner and City Comptroller John Liu were also at the protest but were not arrested. De Blasio and Levin were released a few hours later with disorderly conduct summonses.[69]

Over time, de Blasio moved up in the polls and in mid-August, for the first time, a poll showed him taking the Democratic lead.[70] He reached 43 percent in a Quinnipiac poll released September 3.[71]

Preliminary results showed de Blasio winning the September 10 primary election with 40.12% of the votes, slightly more than the 40% needed to avoid a runoff.[72] On September 16, second-place finisher Bill Thompson conceded, citing the unlikelihood of winning a runoff even if uncounted absentee and military ballots pushed de Blasio below the 40% threshold. Thompson's withdrawal cleared the way for de Blasio to become the Democratic nominee against Republican Joe Lhota in the general election.[73] After the Democratic primary, de Blasio was announced as the nominee on the Working Families Party line.[74] The issue that most aided de Blasio's primary victory was his unequivocal opposition to "stop and frisk."[75]

In the general election, de Blasio defeated Lhota in a landslide, winning 72.2% to 24%.[76] Voter turnout for the 2013 election set a new record low of only 24 percent of registered voters, which the New York Times attributed to the expectation of a landslide.[77]

Tenure

De Blasio was sworn into office on January 1, 2014, by former President Bill Clinton. In his inaugural address, he reiterated his campaign pledge to address "economic and social inequalities" within the city.[78] The New York Times noted that "The elevation of an assertive, tax-the-rich liberal to the nation's most prominent municipal office has fanned hopes that hot-button causes like universal prekindergarten and low-wage worker benefits... could be aided by the imprimatur of being proved workable in New York".[79]

In the first weeks of de Blasio's mayorship New York City was struck by a series of snowstorms.[80] In January, De Blasio was criticized by Upper East Side residents when snow clearing seemed to be lagging in the wealthy neighborhood.[81] The mayor apologized the next day, admitting that "more could have been done to serve the Upper East Side."[81] On February 13, 2014, heavy snowstorms again hit the East Coast. Under instructions from the mayor and the school chancellor, Carmen Fariña, the city's public schools were kept open. The decision was criticized by teacher unions, parents and the media as the city saw up to 9.5 inches of snow that day.[82] By the middle of February, the city had been forced to add $35 million to the Sanitation Department's budget for snow removal costs.[80]

In July 2014, De Blasio signed a bill that created municipal ID card, securing benefits to all residents.[83]

NYPD Relations

De Blasio ran for mayor making opposition to "stop and frisk" a centerpiece of his campaign.[84] The practice had been challenged by civil rights groups in federal court, where it was ruled unconstitutional in 2013. A legal appeal to this decision filed by the Bloomberg administration was promptly dropped by DeBlasio upon taking office. DeBlasio vowed to settle cases with claimants who had ongoing litigation against the police for stop and frisk arrests. The NYPD union appealed the decision without DeBlasio's support, and was rejected.[85]

De Blasio selected Bill Bratton to be New York City Police Commissioner, a position he previously held under Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Bratton, who introduced stop-and-frisk under Giuliani, promised it would be used "legally, respectfully" and less frequently.[86][87] Some de Blasio supporters were disappointed with Bratton's appointment.[88]

In February 2014, Mayor de Blasio came under criticism for making a call to the police shortly after a supporter of his was detained by the police. Pastor Bishop Orlando Findlayter—the founder of the New Hope Christian Fellowship Church, and a friend of de Blasio—was pulled over by the police for failing to signal on a left turn. Bishop was then detained by police on outstanding warrants and for driving with a suspended license.[89] De Blasio is alleged to have called the police on Findlayter's behalf. Findlayter was released shortly thereafter. In a press conference, de Blasio told reporters that—while he had called the police to make an inquiry regarding Bishop's arrest—he did not request the police to release Findlayter.[90] A spokesperson for the mayor stated that the mayor's call occurred after the police already had decided to release Bishop.[89] While both the police and City Hall denied that the mayor asked for preferential treatment, the city comptroller, Scott M. Stringer, stated that the mayor's behavior was problematic, because "[t]he rule is, the mayor shouldn't be involved in any way about somebody's arrest."[91]

On December 3, 2014, de Blasio stated in a speech following a grand jury decision not to indict NYPD officer Daniel Panteleo in the death of Eric Garner that he and his black wife Chirlane McCray, had had many conversations[92] with their son regarding taking "special care in any encounters he has with the police officers who are there to protect him."[93] The mayor explained that what he and his wife did was "What parents have done for decades who have children of color, especially young men of color, [which] is train them to be very careful whenever they have an encounter with a police officer," adding "I have talked to many families of color. They have had to have the same conversation with their sons."[94] In response, the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association of the City of New York, a labor union for police officers, issued a flier encouraging members to request that de Blasio as well as Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Vivereto not attend their funerals should they die in the line of duty.[95] De Blasio and Mark-Vivereto criticized the move, issuing a joint statement which read in part: "Incendiary rhetoric like this serves only to divide the city, and New Yorkers reject these tactics."[95] Following the December 20, 2014 deaths of two NYPD officers in an "execution" style "revenge" attack for Eric Garner, numerous police unions issued statements blaming de Blasio for their deaths and police officers turned their backs to the mayor when he visited the hospital where the two officers' bodies were taken.[96] On December 26, a plane pulling a banner stating "De Blasio, Our Backs Have Turned To You" was spotted. John Cardillo, a former NYPD officer as well as a blogger, tweeted out a picture of the plane with the banner saying that a coalition of both retired and current NYPD officers had paid to have the banner flown, and the same group had asked him to release a statement which states they no longer have "confidence" or believe in the "ability to lead New York City" of the mayor.[97] The following day, de Blasio attended the funeral of officer Rafael Ramos. While making his remarks, hundreds of officers were seen to have turned their backs to the screen projecting the mayor's remarks at the funeral,[98] further highlighting the continuing tension.[97][98]

Political Positions on Transportation and Horse-Drawn Carriages

At a December 2013 news conference, de Blasio reiterated that he would outlaw Central Park's horse-drawn carriages once he took office, saying that he believes they are inhumane. He said, "We are going to get rid of horse carriages, period." He confirmed to the media that he hired legal counsel who will deal with the legislative approach. To replace them, de Blasio has proposed electric antique cars.[99]

Such a position incurred the opposition of carriage supporters such as actor Liam Neeson who in March 2014 challenged the mayor to visit the Clinton Park Stables with him. The mayor declined saying he'd visit on his own.[100]

Transit Service and 

Traffic Safety

In 2014, de Blasio released a report dedicated to "better transit for New York City". Some of the ideas brought up in the report were to rebuild Penn Station/Madison Square Garden, create more bus rapid transit routes,[101] and a "Vision Zero" initiative to reduce traffic-related deaths in the city.[102]

Charter Schools

Bill de Blasio's decision to deny the use of public space to several New York City charter schools provoked controversy. This decision overturned an arrangement made by the Bloomberg administration which allowed for "co-locations" where charter schools were housed in public school buildings.[103] The mayor also revoked $200 million of capital funding which had been earmarked for charter schools.[104]

The New York Times emphasized that de Blasio approved fourteen charter school co-locations and denied approval for just three, suggesting that the mayor is being unfairly cast as being opposed to charter schools.[105]

Approximately two months after the initial decision, the mayor's office announced that it had found space for the three schools. The city will lease three buildings from the Archdiocese of New York which were previously used as Catholic schools, and will renovate and maintain the properties. The three charter schools are run by Success Academy Charter Schools.[106]

Universal Pre-K

Bill de Blasio is an advocate of "Universal Pre-K," the availability of publicly funded pre-kindergarten for all NYC residents.[107] De Blasio sought to fund the program by increasing taxes on New York City residents earning $500,000 or more.[108]

Personal Life

De Blasio and his wife, activist and poet Chirlane McCray, met while both were working for the Dinkins administration and married in 1994.[109] They live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, with their two children, Dante, a high school junior at Brooklyn Technical High School in New York City, and Chiara, a student at Santa Clara University in California.[109][110][111] His daughter Chiara addressed her own challenges with substance abuse and depression in late December 2013, through a four-minute video that the mayor's transition team released.[112]

Standing at a height of 6 foot 5 inches, De Blasio is the tallest mayor in New York City's history.

What Political Implications Could Have been Drawn from The Pit and the Pendulum?

Politicians (pen and ink Goya)

First I must say that for those bigoted, unimaginative, narrow-minded, literalistic souls who want to think only in terms of specific "facts" about politics I must say, 

"This blog is not the place for you."

I think it should have been obvious, however, that in posting this famously evocative tale of gruesome horror at its most extreme in this context the following parallels could easily be drawn:

The "Narrator-Victim" represents the American Public,

The "Dungeon" and the "Pit" represent Washington, DC,

The "Pendulum" the Obama Administration,

The "RATS" the Republican Establishment. 


The question that should interest most the reading public, would be 'Who or What is the "Liberating Force" that rides in at the end and rescues the "Victim?"'

The Voting Public (pen and ink Goya)

Edgar Allan Poe (1848)

The Pit and the Pendulum

by Edgar Allan Poe
(1809-1849)

Impia tortorum longos hic turba furores 

Sanguinis innocui, non satiata, aluit. 

Sospite nunc patria, fracto nunc funeris antro, 

Mors ubi dira fuit vita salusque patent.* 

TRANSLATION: Here an unholy mob of torturers, with an unquenchable thirst for human blood, once fed their long frenzy. Our homeland is safe now, the baneful pit destroyed, and what was once a place of savage death is now a scene of life and health.

____________

*Quatrain composed for the gates of a market to be erected upon the site of the Jacobin Club House in Paris.

I was sick, sick unto death, with that long agony, and when they at length unbound me, and I was permitted to sit, I felt that my senses were leaving me. The sentence, the dread sentence of death, was the last of distinct accentuation which reached my ears. After that, the sound of the inquisitorial voices seemed merged in one dreamy indeterminate hum. It conveyed to my soul the idea of REVOLUTION, perhaps from its association in fancy with the burr of a mill-wheel. This only for a brief period, for presently I heard no more. Yet, for a while, I saw, but with how terrible an exaggeration! I saw the lips of the black-robed judges. They appeared to me white –– whiter than the sheet upon which I trace these words –– and thin even to grotesqueness; thin with the intensity of their expression of firmness, of immovable resolution, of stern contempt of human torture. I saw that the decrees of what to me was fate were still issuing from those lips. I saw them writhe with a deadly locution. I saw them fashion the syllables of my name, and I shuddered, because no sound succeeded. I saw, too, for a few moments of delirious horror, the soft and nearly imperceptible waving of the sable draperies which enwrapped the walls of the apartment; and then my vision fell upon the seven tall candles upon the table. At first they wore the aspect of charity, and seemed white slender angels who would save me: but then all at once there came a most deadly nausea over my spirit, and I felt every fibre in my frame thrill, as if I had touched the wire of a galvanic battery, while the angel forms became meaningless spectres, with heads of flame, and I saw that from them there would be no help. And then there stole into my fancy, like a rich musical note, the thought of what sweet rest there must be in the grave. The thought came gently and stealthily, and it seemed long before it attained full appreciation; but just as my spirit came at length properly to feel and entertain it, the figures of the judges vanished, as if magically, from before me; the tall candles sank into nothingness; their flames went out utterly; the blackness of darkness supervened; all sensations appeared swallowed up in a mad rushing descent as of the soul into Hades. Then silence, and stillness, and night were the universe.

I had swooned; but still will not say that all of consciousness was lost. What of it there remained I will not attempt to define, or even to describe; yet all was not lost. In the deepest slumber –– no! In delirium –– no! In a swoon –– no! In death –– no! Even in the grave all was not lost. Else there is no immortality for man.  Arousing from the most profound of slumbers, we break the gossamer web of some dream. Yet in a second afterwards (so frail may that web have been) we remember not that we have dreamed. In the return to life from the swoon there are two stages; first, that of the sense of mental or spiritual; secondly, that of the sense of physical existence. It seems probable that if, upon reaching the second stage, we could recall the impressions of the first, we should find these impressions eloquent in memories of the gulf beyond. And that gulf is, what? How at least shall we distinguish its shadows from those of the tomb? But if the impressions of what I have termed the first stage are not at will recalled, yet, after long interval, do they not come unbidden, while we marvel whence they come? He who has never swooned is not he who finds strange palaces and wildly familiar faces in coals that glow; is not he who beholds floating in mid-air the sad visions that the many may not view; is not he who ponders over the perfume of some novel flower; is not he whose brain grows bewildered with the meaning of some musical cadence which has never before arrested his attention.

Amid frequent and thoughtful endeavours to remember , amid earnest struggles to regather some token of the state of seeming nothingness into which my soul had lapsed, there have been moments when I have dreamed of success; there have been brief, very brief periods when I have conjured up remembrances which the lucid reason of a later epoch assures me could have had reference only to that condition of seeming unconsciousness. These shadows of memory tell indistinctly of tall figures that lifted and bore me in silence down –– down –– still down –– till a hideous dizziness oppressed me at the mere idea of the interminableness of the descent. They tell also of a vague horror at my heart on account of that heart's unnatural stillness. Then comes a sense of sudden motionlessness throughout all things; as if those who bore me (a ghastly train!) had outrun, in their descent, the limits of the limitless, and paused from the wearisomeness of their toil. After this I call to mind flatness and dampness; and then all is MADNESS ––the madness of a memory which busies itself among forbidden things.

Very suddenly there came back to my soul motion and sound –– the tumultuous motion of the heart, and in my ears the sound of its beating. Then a pause in which all is blank. Then again sound, and motion, and touch, a tingling sensation pervading my frame. Then the mere consciousness of existence, without thought, a condition which lasted long. Then, very suddenly, THOUGHT, and shuddering terror, and earnest endeavour to comprehend my true state. Then a strong desire to lapse into insensibility. Then a rushing revival of soul and a successful effort to move. And now a full memory of the trial, of the judges, of the sable draperies, of the sentence, of the sickness, of the swoon. Then entire forgetfulness of all that followed; of all that a later day and much earnestness of endeavour have enabled me vaguely to recall.

So far I had not opened my eyes. I felt that I lay upon my back unbound. I reached out my hand, and it fell heavily upon something damp and hard. There I suffered it to remain for many minutes, while I strove to imagine where and what I could be. I longed, yet dared not, to employ my vision. I dreaded the first glance at objects around me. It was not that I feared to look upon things horrible, but that I grew aghast lest there should be NOTHING to see. At length, with a wild desperation at heart, I quickly unclosed my eyes. My worst thoughts, then, were confirmed. The blackness of eternal night encompassed me. I struggled for breath. The intensity of the darkness seemed to oppress and stifle me. The atmosphere was intolerably close. I still lay quietly, and made effort to exercise my reason. I brought to mind the inquisitorial proceedings, and attempted from that point to deduce my real condition. The sentence had passed, and it appeared to me that a very long interval of time had since elapsed. Yet not for a moment did I suppose myself actually dead. Such a supposition, notwithstanding what we read in fiction , is altogether inconsistent with real existence; –– but where and in what state was I? The condemned to death, I knew, perished usually at the auto-da-fes, and one of these had been held on the very night of the day of my trial. Had I been remanded to my dungeon, to await the next sacrifice, which would not take place for many months? This I at once saw could not be. Victims had been in immediate demand. Moreover my dungeon, as well as all the condemned cells at Toledo, had stone floors, and light was not altogether excluded.

A fearful idea now suddenly drove the blood in torrents upon my heart, and for a brief period I once more relapsed into insensibility. Upon recovering, I at once started to my feet, trembling convulsively in every fibre. I thrust my arms wildly above and around me in all directions. I felt nothing; yet dreaded to move a step, lest I should be impeded by the walls of a TOMB. Perspiration burst from every pore, and stood in cold big beads upon my forehead. The agony of suspense grew at length intolerable, and I cautiously moved forward, with my arms extended, and my eyes straining from their sockets, in the hope of catching some faint ray of light. I proceeded for many paces, but still all was blackness and vacancy. I breathed more freely. It seemed evident that mine was not, at least, the most hideous of fates.

And now, as I still continued to step cautiously onward, there came thronging upon my recollection a thousand vague rumours of the horrors of Toledo. Of the dungeons there had been strange things narrated ––fables I had always deemed them –– but yet strange, and too ghastly to repeat, save in a whisper. Was I left to perish of starvation in this subterranean world of darkness; or what fate perhaps even more fearful awaited me? That the result would be death, and a death of more than customary bitterness, I knew too well the character of my judges to doubt. The mode and the hour were all that occupied or distracted me.

My outstretched hands at length encountered some solid obstruction. It was a wall, seemingly of stone masonry –– very smooth, slimy, and cold. I followed it up; stepping with all the careful distrust with which certain antique narratives had inspired me. This process, however, afforded me no means of ascertaining the dimensions of my dungeon; as I might make its circuit, and return to the point whence I set out, without being aware of the fact, so perfectly uniform seemed the wall. I therefore sought the knife which had been in my pocket when led into the inquisitorial chamber, but it was gone; my clothes had been exchanged for a wrapper of coarse serge. I had thought of forcing the blade in some minute crevice of the masonry, so as to identify my point of departure. The difficulty, nevertheless, was but trivial, although, in the disorder of my fancy, it seemed at first insuperable. I tore a part of the hem from the robe, and placed the fragment at full length, and at right angles to the wall. In groping my way around the prison, I could not fail to encounter this rag upon completing the circuit. So, at least, I thought, but I had not counted upon the extent of the dungeon, or upon my own weakness. The ground was moist and slippery. I staggered onward for some time, when I stumbled and fell. My excessive fatigue induced me to remain prostrate, and sleep soon overtook me as I lay.

Upon awaking, and stretching forth an arm, I found beside me a loaf and a pitcher with water. I was too much exhausted to reflect upon this circumstance , but ate and drank with avidity. Shortly afterwards I resumed my tour around the prison, and with much toil came at last upon the fragment of the serge. Up to the period when I fell I had counted fifty-two paces, and upon resuming my walk I had counted forty-eight more, when I arrived at the rag. There were in all, then, a hundred paces; and, admitting two paces to the yard, I presumed the dungeon to be fifty yards in circuit. I had met, however, with many angles in the wall, and thus I could form no guess at the shape of the vault, for vault I could not help supposing it to be.

I had little object –– certainly no hope –– in these researches, but a vague curiosity prompted me to continue them. Quitting the wall, I resolved to cross the area of the enclosure. At first I proceeded with extreme caution, for the floor although seemingly of solid material was treacherous with slime. At length, however, I took courage and did not hesitate to step firmly –– endeavouring to cross in as direct a line as possible. I had advanced some ten or twelve paces in this manner, when the remnant of the torn hem of my robe became entangled between my legs. I stepped on it, and fell violently on my face.

In the confusion attending my fall, I did not immediately apprehend a somewhat startling circumstance, which yet, in a few seconds afterward, and while I still lay prostrate, arrested my attention. It was this: my chin rested upon the floor of the prison, but my lips, and the upper portion of my head, although seemingly at a less elevation than the chin, touched nothing. At the same time, my forehead seemed bathed in a clammy vapour, and the peculiar smell of decayed fungus arose to my nostrils. I put forward my arm, and shuddered to find that I had fallen at the very brink of a circular pit, whose extent of course I had no means of ascertaining at the moment. Groping about the masonry just below the margin, I succeeded in dislodging a small fragment, and let it fall into the abyss. For many seconds I hearkened to its reverberations as it dashed against the sides of the chasm in its descent; at length there was a sullen plunge into water, succeeded by loud echoes. At the same moment there came a sound resembling the quick opening, and as rapid closing of a door overhead, while a faint gleam of light flashed suddenly through the gloom, and as suddenly faded away.

I saw clearly the doom which had been prepared for me, and congratulated myself upon the timely accident by which I had escaped. Another step before my fall, and the world had seen me no more and the death just avoided was of that very character which I had regarded as fabulous and frivolous in the tales respecting the Inquisition. To the victims of its tyranny, there was the choice of death with its direst physical agonies, or death with its most hideous moral horrors. I had been reserved for the latter. By long suffering my nerves had been unstrung, until I trembled at the sound of my own voice, and had become in every respect a fitting subject for the species of torture which awaited me.

Shaking in every limb, I groped my way back to the wall –– resolving there to perish rather than risk the terrors of the wells, of which my imagination now pictured many in various positions about the dungeon. In other conditions of mind I might have had courage to end my misery at once by a plunge into one of these abysses; but now I was the veriest of cowards. Neither could I forget what I had read of these pits –– that the SUDDEN extinction of life formed no part of their most horrible plan.

Agitation of spirit kept me awake for many long hours; but at length I again slumbered. Upon arousing, I found by my side, as before, a loaf and a pitcher of water. A burning thirst consumed me, and I emptied the vessel at a draught. It must have been drugged, for scarcely had I drunk before I became irresistibly drowsy. A deep sleep fell upon me –– a sleep like that of death. How long it lasted of course I know not; but when once again I unclosed my eyes the objects around me were visible. By a wild sulphurous lustre, the origin of which I could not at first determine, I was enabled to see the extent and aspect of the prison.

In its size I had been greatly mistaken. The whole circuit of its walls did not exceed twenty-five yards. For some minutes this fact occasioned me a world of vain trouble; vain indeed –– for what could be of less importance, under the terrible circumstances which environed me than the mere dimensions of my dungeon? But my soul took a wild interest in trifles, and I busied myself in endeavours to account for the error I had committed in my measurement. The truth at length flashed upon me. In my first attempt at exploration I had counted fifty-two paces up to the period when I fell; I must then have been within a pace or two of the fragment of serge; in fact I had nearly performed the circuit of the vault. I then slept, and upon awaking, I must have returned upon my steps, thus supposing the circuit nearly double what it actually was. My confusion of mind prevented me from observing that I began my tour with the wall to the left, and ended it with the wall to the right.

I had been deceived too in respect to the shape of the enclosure. In feeling my way I had found many angles, and thus deduced an idea of great irregularity, so potent is the effect of total darkness upon one arousing from lethargy or sleep! The angles were simply those of a few slight depressions or niches at odd intervals. The general shape of the prison was square. What I had taken for masonry seemed now to be iron, or some other metal in huge plates, whose sutures or joints occasioned the depression. The entire surface of this metallic enclosure was rudely daubed in all the hideous and repulsive devices to which the charnel superstition of the monks has given rise. The figures of fiends in aspects of menace, with skeleton forms and other more really fearful images, overspread and disfigured the walls. I observed that the outlines of these monstrosities were sufficiently distinct, but that the colours seemed faded and blurred, as if from the effects of a damp atmosphere. I now noticed the floor, too, which was of stone. In the centre yawned the circular pit from whose jaws I had escaped ; but it was the only one in the dungeon.

All this I saw indistinctly and by much effort, for my personal condition had been greatly changed during slumber. I now lay upon my back, and at full length, on a species of low framework of wood. To this I was securely bound by a long strap resembling a surcingle. It passed in many convolutions about my limbs and body, leaving at liberty only my head, and my left arm to such extent that I could by dint of much exertion supply myself with food from an earthen dish which lay by my side on the floor. I saw to my horror that the pitcher had been removed . I say to my horror, for I was consumed with intolerable thirst. This thirst it appeared to be the design of my persecutors to stimulate, for the food in the dish was meat pungently seasoned.

Looking upward, I surveyed the ceiling of my prison. It was some thirty or forty feet overhead, and constructed much as the side walls. In one of its panels a very singular figure riveted my whole attention . It was the painted figure of Time as he is commonly represented, save that in lieu of a scythe he held what at a casual glance I supposed to be the pictured image of a huge pendulum, such as we see on antique clocks. There was something, however, in the appearance of this machine which caused me to regard it more attentively. While I gazed directly upward at it (for its position was immediately over my own), I fancied that I saw it in motion. In an instant afterward the fancy was confirmed. Its sweep was brief, and of course slow. I watched it for some minutes, somewhat in fear but more in wonder. Wearied at length with observing its dull movement, I turned my eyes upon the other objects in the cell.

A slight noise attracted my notice, and looking to the floor, I saw several enormous rats traversing it. They had issued from the well which lay just within view to my right. Even then while I gazed, they came up in troops hurriedly, with ravenous eyes, allured by the scent of the meat. From this it required much effort and attention to scare them away.

It might have been half-an-hour, perhaps even an hour (for I could take but imperfect note of time) before I again cast my eyes upward. What I then saw confounded and amazed me. The sweep of the pendulum had increased in extent by nearly a yard. As a natural consequence, its velocity was also much greater. But what mainly disturbed me was the idea that it had perceptibly DESCENDED. I now observed, with what horror it is needless to say, that its nether extremity was formed of a crescent of glittering steel, about a foot in length from horn to horn; the horns upward, and the under edge evidently as keen as that of a razor. Like a razor also it seemed massy and heavy, tapering from the edge into a solid and broad structure above. It was appended to a weighty rod of brass, and the whole HISSED as it swung through the air.

I could no longer doubt the doom prepared for me by monkish ingenuity in torture. My cognisance of the pit had become known to the inquisitorial agents –– THE PIT, whose horrors had been destined for so bold a recusant as myself, THE PIT, typical of hell, and regarded by rumour as the Ultima Thule of all their punishments. The plunge into this pit I had avoided by the merest of accidents, and I knew that surprise or entrapment into torment formed an important portion of all the grotesquerie of these dungeon deaths. Having failed to fall, it was no part of the demon plan to hurl me into the abyss, and thus (there being no alternative) a different and a milder destruction awaited me. Milder! I half smiled in my agony as I thought of such application of such a term.

What boots it to tell of the long, long hours of horror more than mortal, during which I counted the rushing oscillations of the steel! Inch by inch –– line by line ––with a descent only appreciable at intervals that seemed ages –– down and still down it came! Days passed –– it might have been that many days passed –– ere it swept so closely over me as to fan me with its acrid breath. The odour of the sharp steel forced itself into my nostrils. I prayed –– I wearied heaven with my prayer for its more speedy descent. I grew frantically mad, and struggled to force myself upward against the sweep of the fearful scimitar. And then I fell suddenly calm and lay smiling at the glittering death as a child at some rare bauble.

There was another interval of utter insensibility; it was brief, for upon again lapsing into life there had been no perceptible descent in the pendulum. But it might have been long –– for I knew there were demons who took note of my swoon, and who could have arrested the vibration at pleasure. Upon my recovery, too, I felt very –– oh! inexpressibly –– sick and weak, as if through long inanition. Even amid the agonies of that period the human nature craved food. With painful effort I outstretched my left arm as far as my bonds permitted, and took possession of the small remnant which had been spared me by the rats. As I put a portion of it within my lips there rushed to my mind a half-formed thought of joy –– of hope. Yet what business had I with hope? It was, as I say, a half-formed thought –– man has many such, which are never completed. I felt that it was of joy –– of hope; but I felt also that it had perished in its formation. In vain I struggled to perfect –– to regain it. Long suffering had nearly annihilated all my ordinary powers of mind. I was an imbecile –– an idiot.

The vibration of the pendulum was at right angles to my length. I saw that the crescent was designed to cross the region of the heart. It would fray the serge of my robe; it would return and repeat its operations ––again –– and again. Notwithstanding its terrifically wide sweep (some thirty feet or more) and the hissing vigour of its descent, sufficient to sunder these very walls of iron, still the fraying of my robe would be all that, for several minutes, it would accomplish; and at this thought I paused. I dared not go farther than this reflection. I dwelt upon it with a pertinacity of attention –– as if, in so dwelling, I could arrest HERE the descent of the steel. I forced myself to ponder upon the sound of the crescent as it should pass across the garment –– upon the peculiar thrilling sensation which the friction of cloth produces on the nerves. I pondered upon all this frivolity until my teeth were on edge.

Down –– steadily down it crept. I took a frenzied pleasure in contrasting its downward with its lateral velocity. To the right –– to the left –– far and wide ––with the shriek of a damned spirit! to my heart with the stealthy pace of the tiger! I alternately laughed and howled, as the one or the other idea grew predominant.

Down –– certainly, relentlessly down! It vibrated within three inches of my bosom! I struggled violently –– furiously –– to free my left arm. This was free only from the elbow to the hand. I could reach the latter, from the platter beside me to my mouth with great effort, but no farther. Could I have broken the fastenings above the elbow, I would have seized and attempted to arrest the pendulum. I might as well have attempted to arrest an avalanche!

Down –– still unceasingly –– still inevitably down! I gasped and struggled at each vibration. I shrunk convulsively at its very sweep. My eyes followed its outward or upward whirls with the eagerness of the most unmeaning despair; they closed themselves spasmodically at the descent, although death would have been a relief, O, how unspeakable! Still I quivered in every nerve to think how slight a sinking of the machinery would precipitate that keen glistening axe upon my bosom. It was hope that prompted the nerve to quiver –– the frame to shrink. It was HOPE –– the hope that triumphs on the rack –– that whispers to the death-condemned even in the dungeons of the Inquisition.

I saw that some ten or twelve vibrations would bring the steel in actual contact with my robe, and with this observation there suddenly came over my spirit all the keen, collected calmness of despair. For the first time during many hours, or perhaps days, I THOUGHT. It now occurred to me that the bandage or surcingle which enveloped me was UNIQUE. I was tied by no separate cord. The first stroke of the razor-like crescent athwart any portion of the band would so detach it that it might be unwound from my person by means of my left hand. But how fearful, in that case, the proximity of the steel! The result of the slightest struggle, how deadly! Was it likely, moreover, that the minions of the torturer had not foreseen and provided for this possibility! Was it probable that the bandage crossed my bosom in the track of the pendulum? Dreading to find my faint, and, as it seemed, my last hope frustrated, I so far elevated my head as to obtain a distinct view of my breast. The surcingle enveloped my limbs and body close in all directions save SAVE IN THE PATH OF THE DESTROYING CRESCENT.

Scarcely had I dropped my head back into its original position when there flashed upon my mind what I cannot better describe than as the unformed half of that idea of deliverance to which I have previously alluded, and of which a moiety only floated indeterminately through my brain when I raised food to my burning lips. The whole thought was now present –– feeble, scarcely sane, scarcely definite, but still entire. I proceeded at once, with the nervous energy of despair, to attempt its execution.

For many hours the immediate vicinity of the low framework upon which I lay had been literally swarming with rats. They were wild, bold, ravenous , their red eyes glaring upon me as if they waited but for motionlessness on my part to make me their prey. "To what food," I thought, "have they been accustomed in the well?"

They had devoured, in spite of all my efforts to prevent them, all but a small remnant of the contents of the dish. I had fallen into an habitual see-saw or wave of the hand about the platter; and at length the unconscious uniformity of the movement deprived it of effect. In their voracity the vermin frequently fastened their sharp fangs in my fingers. With the particles of the oily and spicy viand which now remained, I thoroughly rubbed the bandage wherever I could reach it; then, raising my hand from the floor, I lay breathlessly still.

At first the ravenous animals were startled and terrified at the change -- at the cessation of movement . They shrank alarmedly back; many sought the well. But this was only for a moment. I had not counted in vain upon their voracity. Observing that I remained without motion, one or two of the boldest leaped upon the frame-work and smelt at the surcingle. This seemed the signal for a general rush. Forth from the well they hurried in fresh troops. They clung to the wood, they overran it, and leaped in hundreds upon my person. The measured movement of the pendulum disturbed them not at all. Avoiding its strokes, they busied themselves with the annointed bandage. They pressed, they swarmed upon me in ever accumulating heaps. They writhed upon my throat; their cold lips sought my own; I was half stifled by their thronging pressure; disgust, for which the world has no name, swelled my bosom, and chilled with heavy clamminess my heart. Yet one minute and I felt that the struggle would be over. Plainly I perceived the loosening of the bandage. I knew that in more than one place it must be already severed. With a more than human resolution I lay STILL.

Nor had I erred in my calculations, nor had I endured in vain. I at length felt that I was FREE. The surcingle hung in ribands from my body. But the stroke of the pendulum already pressed upon my bosom. It had divided the serge of the robe. It had cut through the linen beneath. Twice again it swung, and a sharp sense of pain shot through every nerve. But the moment of escape had arrived. At a wave of my hand my deliverers hurried tumultously away. With a steady movement, cautious, sidelong, shrinking, and slow, I slid from the embrace of the bandage and beyond the reach of the scimitar. For the moment, at least I WAS FREE.

Free! and in the grasp of the Inquisition! I had scarcely stepped from my wooden bed of horror upon the stone floor of the prison, when the motion of the hellish machine ceased and I beheld it drawn up by some invisible force through the ceiling. This was a lesson which I took desperately to heart. My every motion was undoubtedly watched. Free! I had but escaped death in one form of agony to be delivered unto worse than death in some other. With that thought I rolled my eyes nervously around on the barriers of iron that hemmed me in. Something unusual –– some change which at first I could not appreciate distinctly –– it was obvious had taken place in the apartment. For many minutes of a dreamy and trembling abstraction I busied myself in vain, unconnected conjecture. During this period I became aware, for the first time, of the origin of the sulphurous light which illumined the cell. It proceeded from a fissure about half-an-inch in width extending entirely around the prison at the base of the walls which thus appeared, and were completely separated from the floor. I endeavoured, but of course in vain, to look through the aperture.

As I arose from the attempt, the mystery of the alteration in the chamber broke at once upon my understanding. I have observed that although the outlines of the figures upon the walls were sufficiently distinct, yet the colours seemed blurred and indefinite . These colours had now assumed, and were momentarily assuming, a startling and most intense brilliancy, that give to the spectral and fiendish portraitures an aspect that might have thrilled even firmer nerves than my own. Demon eyes, of a wild and ghastly vivacity, glared upon me in a thousand directions where none had been visible before, and gleamed with the lurid lustre of a fire that I could not force my imagination to regard as unreal.

UNREAL! -- Even while I breathed there came to my nostrils the breath of the vapour of heated iron! A suffocating odour pervaded the prison! A deeper glow settled each moment in the eyes that glared at my agonies! A richer tint of crimson diffused itself over the pictured horrors of blood. I panted ' I gasped for breath! There could be no doubt of the design of my tormentors –– oh most unrelenting! oh, most demoniac of men! I shrank from the glowing metal to the centre of the cell. Amid the thought of the fiery destruction that impended, the idea of the coolness of the well came over my soul like balm. I rushed to its deadly brink. I threw my straining vision below. The glare from the enkindled roof illumined its inmost recesses. Yet, for a wild moment, did my spirit refuse to comprehend the meaning of what I saw. At length it forced –– it wrestled its way into my soul –– it burned itself in upon my shuddering reason. O for a voice to speak! –– oh, horror! –– oh, any horror but this! With a shriek I rushed from the margin and buried my face in my hands –– weeping bitterly.

The heat rapidly increased, and once again I looked up, shuddering as if with a fit of the ague. There had been a second change in the cell –– and now the change was obviously in the FORM. As before , it was in vain that I at first endeavoured to appreciate or understand what was taking place. But not long was I left in doubt. The inquisitorial vengeance had been hurried by my two-fold escape, and there was to be no more dallying with the King of Terrors. The room had been square. I saw that two of its iron angles were now acute –– two consequently, obtuse. The fearful difference quickly increased with a low rumbling or moaning sound. In an instant the apartment had shifted its form into that of a lozenge. But the alteration stopped not here –– I neither hoped nor desired it to stop. I could have clasped the red walls to my bosom as a garment of eternal peace. "Death," I said "any death but that of the pit!" Fool! might I not have known that INTO THE PIT it was the object of the burning iron to urge me? Could I resist its glow? or if even that, could I withstand its pressure ? And now, flatter and flatter grew the lozenge, with a rapidity that left me no time for contemplation. Its centre, and of course, its greatest width, came just over the yawning gulf. I shrank back –– but the closing walls pressed me resistlessly onward . At length for my seared and writhing body there was no longer an inch of foothold on the firm floor of the prison. I struggled no more, but the agony of my soul found vent in one loud, long, and final scream of despair. I felt that I tottered upon the brink –– I averted my eyes ––

There was a discordant hum of human voices! There was a loud blast as of many trumpets! There was a harsh grating as of a thousand thunders! The fiery walls rushed back! An outstretched arm caught my own as I fell fainting into the abyss. It was that of General Lasalle. The French army had entered Toledo. The Inquisition was in the hands of its enemies.

WISDOM from the AGED

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

The day the world runs out of wine 

is just too terrible to contemplate!

I don't trip over things, 

I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I just need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time  was a punishment; now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and, the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights." As you can see, 

I'm incredibly wise.

I smile because you are my brother-in-law, and laugh because you married my sister!

My people skills are just fine. It's only my tolerance for imbeciles that needs work.

You’d better teach your daughter how to shoot, because after all a restraining order 

is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, 

He would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz," 

because it's shorter than please. 

I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes." 

I like my middle finger best, 

because it always sticks up for me!

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. 

Not sure what I'll do for money 

the following week.

When did it change from "we the people" 

to "screw the people"?

I've lost my mind, and I'm pretty 

sure the government took it!

Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but 

it sure can help muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press “one” for English  when you're just going to transfer me to someone 

who can't speak English anyway?

Lord, give me patience 

and let me have it  NOW.

Of course I talk to myself. After all, 

there are times when I need expert advice.

WHOOPS! Did I just roll 

my eyes out loud?

At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why I went there.

Chocolate comes from cocoa.

That’s a tree, isn’t it?

That means it’s a plant, so 

that must must chocolate is a salad. 

WHOOPEE!!!

_________ EXCELSIOR! _________

The shades of night were falling fast, 

As through an Alpine village passed
A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice,
A banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

His brow was sad; his eye beneath,
Flashed like a falchion from its sheath,
And like a silver clarion rung
The accents of that unknown tongue,
Excelsior!

In happy homes he saw the light
Of household fires gleam warm and bright;
Above, the spectral glaciers shone,
And from his lips escaped a groan,
Excelsior!

"Try not the Pass!" the old man said;
"Dark lowers the tempest overhead,
The roaring torrent is deep and wide!"
And loud that clarion voice replied,
Excelsior!

"O stay," the maiden said, "and rest
Thy weary head upon this breast!"
A tear stood in his bright blue eye,
But still he answered, with a sigh,
Excelsior!

"Beware the pine tree's withered branch!
Beware the awful avalanche!"
This was the peasant's last Good-night,
A voice replied, far up the height,
Excelsior!

At break of day, as heavenward
The pious monks of Saint Bernard
Uttered the oft-repeated prayer,
A voice cried through the startled air,
Excelsior!

A traveller, by the faithful hound,
Half-buried in the snow was found,
Still grasping in his hand of ice
That banner with the strange device,
Excelsior!

There in the twilight cold and gray,
Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay,
And from the sky, serene and far,
A voice fell, like a falling star,
Excelsior!

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1841)