[NOTE: This is said to be a PERSONAL AD placed on CRAIG'S LIST. Frankly, we don’t care whether it’s strictly true or not, though we hope it is. The scenario outlined demonstrates a point of view we’d like to see applauded and implemented more often.]
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me
in Downtown Savannah
night before last.
in Downtown Savannah
night before last.
Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.
She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you would agree that it is very intimidating when pointed at your head, wouldn’t you?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that load in your pants. I'm sure it must have been even worse walking barefoot since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.
That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help attack us again, didn’t it?
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode to her of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station –– on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and could not have been more grateful.
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That sure made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb –– after I broke the windshield and side window then keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense, and we had a nice long chat, while he traced your number, etc.
Perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of retribution is far more appropriate for you tried to do to my girl and me.
I wish you well as you try to sort through some of the pressing issues you’ve brought on yourself, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to follow. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a nice day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
SEMPER FI!
Great story!
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that justice was served -- and right on the spot, too.
Straight out of "Scenes We'd Like to See" from MADD Magazine, but I HOPE to hell it IS true. If it ain't, by crikey, it OUGHTTA be. ;-)
DeleteI can see at least two things wrong with this. Can you guess what they might be?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! There are three actually -- your brain, your eyes and your heart.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteFT, do you kiss your mother with that vile mouth?
ReplyDeleteNo, of course no, but I FUCK her every day just to keep the old bitch in line. Dad taught me just as soon as I got hair on it. We used to take turns and cheer each other on, until he died. Then the responsibility became mine alone.
DeleteMr FreeThinke,
DeleteMost excellent riposte, sir!
I hereby dub thee, Troll Owner, because you owned that leftwing troll in a most excellent manner.
But it was really no contest. Those stultified plonkers on the left with the stick up their ass cannot see nuances like parody, sarcasm and purposeful absurdity in the service of making a larger point.
No, these thick-browed dimwits read the words, their lips moving in a futile attempt at comprehension, and only see the superficial meaning. Alas, those poor liberals are incapable of humor and higher levels of thinking. Poor progressives!
Thank you, mon ami. Naturally, I adore compliments -- especially when they are appropriate --, BUT a little of his sort of thing goes a LONG way.
DeleteLet us not let it dominate the day. Please. §;-}
I shall comply with your polite request, sir!
DeleteThank you, Sire. I see you've been a man of your word.
DeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteGood one.
I hope that makes Mr. Or Miss.anonymiss happy.
I'm sure he, she or it will have a merry time copying it then taking it home to Mother, who doubtless will publish it gleefully as "factual evidence" that I, FreeThinke, deserve nothing more than scorn, ridicule and withering contempt.
DeleteTwo can play this stupid game, but I shall always win, because in truth I don't give a proverbial rat's rump what contemptible leftists OR simpering dull-witted prudes may think of me.
Indifference to Public Opinion along with Devotion to Truth gives one a tremendous advantage.
It is most probable that all reading this fine thread can point to the... at least two things wrong with this. that Anonymous referred to. But what point does it serve?
ReplyDeleteIf read and understood with the larger picture in mind, that being the appropriate justice that was ultimately served for the initial crime committed by the mugger, the story make perfect sense. Irrespective of the questionable methodology of the Marine.
Defense attorneys would no doubt argue the Marine committed crimes as egregious as the perp. Go figure.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteSorry, Jez, but we are not interested in pursuing tedious, literalistic queries that betray a mind besotted by a sour, judgmental, disapproving, self-righteous outlook on life accompanied by no discernible sense of humor.
DeleteI have been an inveterate fan of Bernard Goetz ever since he rose to prominence, Gandolf. That should be all I need to say to tell you where I stand on matters such as these.
DeleteCoddling violence-prone thugs and insisting that society try to "understand their side of it" is PUSILLANIMOUS and UNTENABLE.
Those who accost innocent people with obvious intent to rob, threaten, harass, humiliate or do grievous bodily harm deserve to DIE. PERIOD!.
You cons just love a little macho juice, huh? Must be to compensate the "Low T."
ReplyDeleteJMJ
Shaddapa you face, McJackass. You wouldn't know macho if it bitch-slapped ya in yer stinkin' mug.
DeleteYo mamma didn't think I had low t
I agree and second that comment,
DeletePlease, Please, PLEASE do your best not to answer insults with more insults.
DeleteThat is a privilege reserved solely for the owner of this blog.
You OUGHT by now to know why we favor this approach. Pouring oil on troubled waters is a good thing. Pouring oil on fire is most assuredly not.
That said you ought to have figured out by now that we abhor flamethrowers and wet blankets in equal measure.
Guido, you a tough guy for real or just a wannabe?
ReplyDeleteWhat do YOU think, Gandolf?
DeleteWhat I think would of course be open to subjective analysis as to it's veracity. But then again so would Guido's self assessment.
DeleteI didn't ask you for a statement of absolute truth, I only asked you what you thought. ;-)
DeleteHey, I don't play around. Jersey's a stupid mick who don't know his ass from a blowtorch
DeleteThe ADJUDICATOR said
ReplyDeleteI hereby declare he following to be First Prize Winner in the contest you may not have known you entered:
" ... Those stultified plonkers on the left with the stick up their ass cannot see nuances like parody, sarcasm and purposeful absurdity in the service of making a larger point.
No, these thick-browed dimwits read the words, their lips moving in a futile attempt at comprehension, but only see the superficial meaning. Alas, those poor liberals are incapable of humor and higher levels of thinking. Poor progressives!"
You right wing neanderthals just love racist posts. McJones is right. Your love of violence must be a compensation for inadequacies in other areas.
ReplyDeleteThe Hitlers and Mussolinis of the world absolutely depend upon low functioning worms such as yourselves.
In what way was this a "racist" post, Fartbreath? "Race" was never mentioned. Apparently, you either can't read, or didn't bother to examine the contents before treating us to a forcible expulsion of the noxious, evil smelling gas that once filled your now-empty head.
DeleteYou may leave now, and please don't ever come back. Any further appearances by you will be deleted on sight –– unread.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteI SAID get out, Ratso, and I MEANT get out. I want no one of your kind here. We have more than enough irritants to contend with as it is.
DeleteRatso must have been either the Irrational Nurse, or the Irrational Duchbag Duck.
DeleteThose Oinkers on the left with their heads stuck up their ass cannot see the absurdity in what they post here or in what they believe
ReplyDeleteThese dimwits read the words, their lips moving in a futile attempt at comprehension, but only see the superficial meaning. Those poor, pathetic, progressive dim-witted liberals are incapable of higher levels of thinking. You poor ignoramus’s are blind, I pity you fools .
Perhaps so, but MUST you lay it on so thick? Surely there must be wittier, more edifying ways to express dislike and disapproval of the Left than THAT.
DeleteAt least Debbie's remarks of disapproval were absent gutterspeak. Fiercely partisan conservative but clean nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteThank you Debbie, I could not have said it that well.
ReplyDelete